Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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