All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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