She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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