I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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