Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
