at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
