your parents love me but you hate me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
