You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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