please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
