So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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