Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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