I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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