Porn is love you can see.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
