awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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