She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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