I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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