he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
