i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
