i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
