i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
