is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
