I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
