I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize