i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
