Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
