At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
