Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
