Nicole vs. Life
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
