Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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