so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
