When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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