Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
