I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
