We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is my gift to your gina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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