Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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