He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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