mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
