I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
