I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize