took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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