I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
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There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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