I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
