The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
