I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
