Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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