I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
