sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
