I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
