She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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