If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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