I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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