My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
