You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
