just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
