Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
