Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
