The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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