i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
