im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
