My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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