I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
